


490. mean thoughts and cheap shots

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [178]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:53:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9044837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Helena comes for Sarah during her dark night of the soul instead of Beth.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [warning: reference to suicide]

Helena watches Sarah from every single mirror in the bar. Sarah keeps downing shots, bourbon burning the lining out of her throat, but Helena won’t even do her the courtesy of blinking. She just stares, hollow and colorless and sharp. Despite herself Sarah had wanted Beth – at least Beth is a familiar guilt, a familiar ghost. But here she is. Here they are. Here she is.

It’s been a long time since she saw this version of Helena. It only really happened once: on Art’s couch, the night after the gunshot, Sarah had woken in the middle of the night to Helena standing over her again. _Your fault_ , she’d said, voice and image blurred around the edges from Sarah’s sheer exhaustion.

_Wait_ , Sarah had said, but then she was gone.

Now Helena won’t get soft enough to vanish. Sarah drinks and tries to fuck and eats half the snacks at the bar, but the hollowness inside her just keeps on growing. She pins Dizzy to the bed, sucks on his finger, kisses him, but god the _hollowness_ and god Helena watching her from every – single – mirror. She stumbles out into the cold.

_You’re running again_ , Helena says, keeping pace easily. _Leaving all your mistakes on the ground. All the parts of yourself you do not like, dead on the ground._ She tsks a little. _Bad sister._

“I know,” Sarah says – slurs – says. “I’m the worst sister. That’s why I’m gonna – I’m just gonna – I’m gonna. Why aren’t you Beth? You’re supposed to be Beth.”

_You let Beth die,_ Helena says. _Too late for Beth, now. She saved you one time, life for a death. Then she went to sleep. She told me, she said,_ I’m tired of helping Sarah. Sarah isn’t worth it _. But I came._

Helena tilts her head to the side. She’s wearing – she’s wearing the fucking outfit Sarah was wearing when she found out Kendall was dead. Sarah hates her and hates herself, the mix of them a giddy lurch in her stomach. Her leggings – Helena’s leggings – are striped in black and white. Her shirt is too. Sarah’s jacket hangs off her bones in a way that makes it look too big, all-over too big. _I always come back for you_ , Helena says, sounding sad but resigned to it. _Over and over and over._

“I didn’t ask you to,” Sarah says, and stops. They’re on the bridge over the train station. She could lean over the edge. Helena leans against the railing, all the way – her hair hangs over the drop, effortless. Then again, she’s the one with wings. If either of them could dream of flying, it would be her.

_You did,_ Helena says. _You did ask me to. If you didn’t ask, I would not be here. But I am here. Here I am._

_Sarah_ , she says. _I can still see a light in you. You can’t die. Not yet._

“You’re wrong,” Sarah yells hoarsely; she grabs the railing, swings herself dizzily over the drop. She laughs, laughs. “I’m nothing. Let you go, let everyone down. They’re never gonna forgive me. Everything’d be okay if it wasn’t for me.”

_I will come back_ , Helena says. She’s sleaning her back on the railing, watching the stars. _We always come back for you, Sarah. All of us. We need you to come back to._

“Sarah,” Felix says, “Sarah,” and Sarah turns to look at Helena—

—and she’s still there. She reaches out and cups Sarah’s face, the same way Beth had in her dream. The same hand, the same fingers. She opens her mouth to say something but Felix is jostling her, backing her away from the railing, and after one blink Helena is gone.

“Sarah,” Felix says, “holy _shit_ , Sarah, you’re okay. You’re okay, love, come on—”

“I gotta—” Sarah says, fumbling in her pockets. “I need my bloody _phone!_ I need, I need to, Fee—”

He finds her phone in her pockets and she dials a number with shaking fingers. Holds it to her ear. The phone rings, and rings, and rings, and clicks.

“Hello, _sestra_ ,” Helena says, sounding faintly puzzled.

“Helena?” Sarah says. “Come home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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